in an alternate version of the mcu where civil war never happened, but bucky still came in from the cold, there is an episode of last week tonight with john oliver detailing the details of bucky’s time under hydra before the United States v. Barnes trial
you’ve read my diary
a selection of coverage the morning after, responding to the topic (and also steve’s surprise appearance, complete in too-tight avengers/spider-man: homecoming uniform):
FOX NEWS: Steve Rogers, John Oliver under fire for ‘treasonous’ show of support for alleged war criminal James Barnes
HUFFINGTON POST: Captain America and John Oliver Tell Sen. Stern to “Go F**k Himself”
BUZZFEED: Captain America Looks Hot AF on ‘Last Week Tonight’ Appearance
REDUCTRESS, responding to BUZZFEED: 18 Times James “Bucky” Barnes was #TorturedBae 😍
John Oliver: Hello and welcome to Last Week Tonight! I’m John Oliver, and am I glad I’m not American because THIS *picture of Steve’s back and ass in uniform* is the ideal I’d have to live up to.
While it took thousands of years of evolution to result in a face like an otter’s backside, not only is Captain America an insult to colonial powers, he achieved this in the space of 1 day of high dangerous, never to be replicated genetic experimentation.
However, the apple-pie-arsed superhero is not the biggest story. That would be his fellow de-frosted octagenarian friend, James Buchanan Barnes. Sergeant Barnes was captured, brainwashed by Hydra, and then used as a tool of the Soviet Union. He came out the other side of it looking like the terminator’s cousin who has finally discovered L’Oreal.
Sergeant Barnes was rescued and is now recovering from his decades of trauma and abuse with the help of psychologists, medical doctors, and of course, his best friend, Captain Tight Pants.
Of course, not everyone is as pleased as the Captain about Barnes’ recovery. Senator Stern, the glad-handing progeny of a blob fish *images of Stern and a blob fish* has led the campaign to charge Barnes with war crimes.
To share his side of the story, we’re joined by the Star Spangled Avenger himself, all the way from Brooklyn, iiiiits Captain America.
Expository dialogue techniques that don’t rely on characters randomly explaining things to each other that they should already know, but do rely on your characters being obnoxious gits:
1. Character A fucks something up hilariously; character B upbraids them at great length about exactly what they did wrong.
2. Character A wildly misreads a situation; character B corrects their misconceptions.
3. Character A tells a complicated and implausible lie; character B points out the obvious holes in their story.
4. Character A can’t find their destination; character B provides rambling and discursive directions.
5. Character A has a straightforward question; character B requests a series of extremely pedantic clarifications.
Stop teaching children that there is only one person out there meant for them. Let it be easier for people to let their toxic relationships go without fear of losing “The One”.
Its so fucked up and weird that we don’t tell people that there will be multiple important people in their lives
you know, in modern AUs of Lord of the Rings I always see the rangers get cast as like. cops. or soldiers, or like ~actual park rangers~
but honestly, in the story they come off more as
village extra: ‘ah yes, it’s that sketchy looking guy that hangs around from time to time.’ *kicks ranger off doorstep*
local populace: *applauds and congratulates village extra for protecting the town from Those Sketchy Weirdoes™*
ranger: *shrugs, walks out of town, and goes back to secretly making sure nobody gets attacked by goblins etc.*
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