My cousin and her wife just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife and when I asked my cousin’s wife why. She grinned and said “they’re Catlery”

arsenicjade:

chloebeale:

oh my stars

@copperbadge

@mostlycatsmostly

bkabbeko:

The Wreath of Khan

NO

yesterday i drove by an elementary school in dc called Horace Mann Elementary and their mascot was a centaur and it took me a second to make the connection and when i did i i almost started screaming but i was in the car with my coworker who i don’t know very well so i had to silently suffer for what felt like hours. horse man

221turtlesinthetardis:

Five asexuals are playing cards.

One starts to explain the rules:

I’d say no cheating, but there are already five aces at the table.

theragamuffininitiative:

I told my sister about the new community guidelines.

kawaiipeculier:

excuse me officer, but i believe i have the constitutional right

TO BEAR ARMS

Source: make–it–gayer

thejazzvoid:

An Important Conversation

Me: Basira Hussain Needs A Sword.

My Dad, Whom I Have Persuaded To Listen To “The Magnus Archives:” Elias, if he didn’t have the lead pipe, would probably wield a letter-opener or something.

Me:

Me:

Me:

Me: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,

Me: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,

Me: lead pipe…more like…Leitner-opener…

oppa-homeless-style:

chefpyro:

I’ve been in this IT course for like 2 years now and while I’ve learned a lot about computers they still haven’t gotten to the clown

I’m going to break you into four equal parts like a fucking kit kat

striving-artist:

We need a name for the shock-trauma that comes from reading a long fic, chapter after chapter, barely pausing to eat let alone pay attention to what chapter you’re on, and then scrolling down to click a button that isn’t there. There needs to be a word for the way all of the emotions you’ve been carrying that were hurtling forward with you as you read non stop, suddenly crash into a wall around you. There needs to be a word for the way you’re abruptly unbalanced and lost. There needs to be a word for how you futilely attempt to refresh the page, even though you know the next chapter won’t appear.

There needs to be a word for this dammit.

And I have a suggestion:

WiP-lash