So I finished running The Eleventh Hour for a party of kids today and they did really awesome for first time players. We got to the scene where one of the kids made a grab for the chalice and because none of them had backstories as fleshed out as the McElroys I decided to only tempt her and I made the chalice a little bit more confrontational.
Anyway we reached the climax of this scene of the two arguing and I had the chalice say something to her along the lines of “We could be partners, you and I. We could fix so many wrongs in the world. Don’t you have any regrets? Anything you want to change?”
And this kid looks me dead in the eye and says “I want to be the last pair of hands that ever holds you.”
Some magic items and weapons I made that will never have a chance to be crafted in either of my previous games, plus one item inspired by a new character I’m building.
DM as NPC we’re trying to impress: “I’m thinking of taking my horse out for a ride, care for a race?”
Party collectively: “Hell yes, between us we’ve got a couple of great racing horses and skilled jockeys.”
DM as DM: “What the fuck, you do? Since when?”
Party collectively: “We’d like to walk behind the nearest street corner. There, our two druids transform into horses, our bard and rogue saddle up, and we come back in a while, with apologies for our two nature-lover friends who couldn’t bear to see animals used in such ways for fun.”
DM as DM, stifling laughter: “……. O-fucking-K. Moving on to the race, I’d like the, oh dear, the druids to roll Athletics to see how you do, and the riders… Umm…”
Rogue OOC: “I wanna check Acrobatics, I’ll be doing flips and handstands all the way, since I don’t really need to tell my steed what to do!”
Bard OOC: “I’m an excellent rider (smug wink) but I’ve never in my life been on a horse, so I would like to use a Performance check to fake looking like I know what the fuck I’m doing up there.”
DM as DM, breaking down in both tears and laughter: “Sure, what the hell, let’s do all those things.”
Not everything that approaches camp is trying to kill the characters. There are encounters that the character on watch may let their companions sleep through.
Roll on the table for your encounter in the night.
1) Pixie Mischief: A pixie sneaks into camp to paint one of the sleeping characters faces. Their magical pigments are permanent until the next new moon. The pixie does not try to hide from anyone on guard.
2) Flight of Light:A flight of migratory butterflies known as the starlight glisten overhead in the moonlight. Those that gaze upon it are filled with inspiration.
3) Satyr’s Lullaby: The person on guard hears a satyr playing its pan pipes before seeing it. The satyr is playing a comforting lullaby that seems to sooth those sleeping. The satyr encourages the person on guard to sleep too. It is willing to watch over them. THe next morning the satyr is gone, but a fresh breakfast has been made for them. They gain 10 temporary hit points from the relaxing sleep.
4) Hungy Bear: A sick and hungry brown bear lumbers quietly into camp looking for food. At any sign of danger it will flee. If the bear is treated with any level of sympathy it will become a loyal pet of the characters.
Guys I had so much fun coming up with the first list of dumb D&D items that I just had to make some more:
The Cloak of Water Resistance: upon donning this shimmering blue cloak, the user gains the ability to repel all water. Water-based attacks (tidal waves, watery spheres, etc.) simply part around them, and they can walk on water at half their regular speed. However, they will also experience crippling hydrophobia, and struggle to willingly get near any lakes, oceans, rivers, ponds, etc.
Child’s Wonder: this item is a small wooden airship, intricately carved and fully capable of flight for one hour per day at flying speed of 120ft. However, it can only fit creatures of the size category “tiny” and smaller. It leaves a cloud of rainbow glitter in its trail.
The Ring of Warning: this ring gives off a magical aura and occasionally glows. Only an Identify spell will reveal that it just gets brighter in the presence of strong sunlight. Apply sunscreen when UV radiation is high.
The Stick of Returning: this small twig wants to go back to the tree from which it came. As players get closer and closer to its destination, more and more leaves will grow from its tip. This item can also cast the cantrip Druidcraft once per day, which increases in strength as it nears its tree.
The Necromancer’s Compass: a shriveled, ancient thumb of indeterminate origin. When placed on a flat surface, it will point north. Also, ew.
Rose-tinted Glasses: a pair of wire spectacles with pink lenses. Upon wearing these glasses the user gains a +5 to charisma checks for cheering people up. They also suffer a -5 to wisdom checks, and feel incredibly optimistic about the world.
The Wooden Duck: it looks like a duck. It’s painted like a duck. And soon it’ll quack like a duck too. This object transforms into a living, breathing bird when placed into a body of water. It can be commanded to swim, dive, or generally whatever it is that ducks do in lakes. Responds to the name “Lionel.”
I’ve never actually played D&D before but I wanted to try my hand at creating some really dumb in-game items so here we go!
The Statue of General Unease: players who come within ten feet of this old, faded grey statue must make a DC 13 wisdom saving throw. On a failed save, the player just gets sort of…creeped out. All wisdom, intelligence, and charisma-based skill checks are at a disadvantage, because it’s really hard to think properly, you guys, with that weird statue staring over my shoulder like that. You’re seeing this too, right?
The Tie of Persuasion: a nondescript black silk tie that once belonged to a used cart salesman. When worn this object grants the wearer +7 to all charisma checks involving the sale of vehicles. (Or: flip a coin. If heads, +7, if tails, -3)
The Wild Card: it looks like any regular six of diamonds. However, with a subtle tap it can change into any other card at any time. Additionally, once per day you can use this object to transform into a wild animal of the DM’s choice for the duration of one hour.
The Ring of Detection: glows faintly in the presence of humans.
The Wand of Indeterminate Magical Effect: this wand radiates immense magical power, but more often than not attempts to cast any kind of spell with it will fail. Once per day, you can roll percentage die. On any number from 2-99, nothing happens. On a 1 or 100, the user casts a Wish spell.
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