Taken from Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy.D. A summary of the tips the book hands you on how to recognize emotionally healthy people.
They’re realistic and reliable
They work with reality rather than fighting it. They see problems and try to fix them, instead of overreacting with a fixation on how things should be.
They can feel and think at the same time. The ability to think even when upset makes an emotionally mature person someone you can reason with. They don’t lose their ability to see another perspective just because they aren’t getting what they want.
Their consistency makes them reliable. Because they have an integrated sense of self, they usually won’t surprise you with unexpected inconsistencies.
They don’t take everything personally. They can laugh at themselves and their foibles. They’re realistic enough to not feel unloved just because you made a mistake.
They’re respectful and reciprocal
They respect your boundaries. They’re looking for connection and closeness, not intrusion, control or enmeshment. They respect your individuality and that others have the final say on what their motivations are. They may tell you how they feel about what you did, but they don’t pretend to know you better than you know yourself.
They give back. They don’t like taking advantage of people, nor do they like the feeling of being used.
They are flexible and compromise well. Because collaborative, mature people don’t have an agenda to win at all costs, you won’t feel like you’re being taken advantage of. Compromise doesn’t mean mutual sacrifice; it means a mutual balancing of desires. They care about how you feel and don’t want to leave you feeling unsatisfied.
They’re even-tempered. They don’t sulk or pout for long periods of time or make you walk on eggshells.
When angered, they will usually tell you what’s wrong and ask you to do things differently. They’re willing to take the initiative to bring conflict to a close.
They are willing to be influenced. They don’t feel threatened when other people see things differently, nor are they afraid of seeming weak if they don’t know something. They may not agree, but they’ll try to understand your point of view.
They’re truthful. They understand why you’re upset if they lie or give you a false impression.
They apologize and make amends. They want to be responsible for their own behavior and are willing to apologize when needed.
They’re responsive
Their empathy makes you feel safe. Along with self-awareness, empathy is the soul of emotional intelligence.
They make you feel seen and understood. Their behavior reflects their desire to really get to know you, rather than looking for you to mirror them. They aren’t afraid of your emotions and don’t tell you that you should be feeling some other way.
They like to comfort and be comforted. They are sympathetic and know how crucial friendly support can be.
They reflect on their actions and try to change. They clearly understand how people affect each other emotionally. They take you seriously if you tell them about a behavior of theirs that makes you uncomfortable. They’ll remain aware of the issue and demonstrate follow-through in their attempts to change.
They can laugh and be playful. Laughter is a form of egalitarian play between people and reflects an ability to relinquish control and follow someone else’s lead.
They’re enjoyable to be around. They aren’t always happy, but for the most part they seem able to generate their own good feelings and enjoy life.
The novel’s connotation meant something related to domino masks:
Which could look like anything, really. As far as I know, Leroux was referring to this type of mask–Christine wore a black one and Raoul wore a white one. Masked balls were incredibly popular in the 19th century, so this would have been a very common costume accessory if you happened to be gettin’ funky at Lady Chatterworth’s Venetian Christmas gala.
What Christine and Raoul’s costumes actually looked like are anyone’s guess. In the mid-to-late Victorian era, Renaissance and Rococo-inspired costumes for balls were all the rage. So maybe they were wearing something like these:
Here’s a Victorian take on a Tudor look for a costume ball:
Basing your ball costume off of ancient fashion was also very popular. Here’s the Countess of Godsford as Minerva, goddess of wisdom:
Semi-unrelated to the Phantom domino costumes, but Victorian interpretations of historical fashion are absolutely fascinating to me! If you want some really fabulous photos of Victorian costumes, check out some snapshots of the Duchess of Devonshire’s Jubilee Ball, held to celebrate Queen Victoria’s Diamond Jubilee (the 60th anniversary of her ascension to the throne) in 1897.
Here’s a lovely Victorian couple–the Duke and Duchess of York– rockin’ it like it’s 1583:
Check out more pictures here.It was the social event of the season and thankfully, they had the foresight to take plenty of costume photos. That’s not to say that Christine and Raoul would have dressed exactly like this, but it might give you some idea of what was popular at the time.
Wizards have the same trust in magic that software designers have in software, which is to say, almost none at all.
“Are you fucking kidding me I worked in a reagrent shop for a few years I don’t trust any of that stuff. Who the hell knows what other components are in the ashes.”
“Yeah I was in the circle that made Alston’s Divine Circle of Teleportation. There’s some pretty nasty corner cases you can get into but the headmaster published it without us. I just take ships. It’s way safer.”
“I call bullshit on that Necromancer channeling spirits of loved ones. What did he say he was using? ‘Medium Conduit Ruinic Circles’? That’s just a bunch of buzzwords slapped together, and they don’t even interact with each other.”
“I’ve been looking at this scroll all morning and I’m 90% sure that the scribe didn’t even look at the standard for pyromancies.”
“Help Desk, this is Gloriline, what did you fuck up this time?” *indistinct vocals* “Dave, I’ve seen the news, and, frankly, I can see the ash cloud from here. You paid for extended support, not enabling support.”
Each Dragon Age protagonist summed up for your pleasure
Hero of Ferelden: One-tank army. Unofficial camp counselor who will make you get along or they’re going to turn this whole army around so help me– Eternally Sighing. Everyone is terrified of them (doesn’t matter if they’re dead, people don’t believe it. And are still scared.) Probably definitely fought a spirit with their bare hands. Loves their dog more than you.
Hawke: Literal definition of a walking disaster. Can’t make it five feet before they trip over someone else’s problems. Proudest Big Sibling™. Would probably have been in less trouble if they’d stayed home for once in their goddamn lives. Has definitely heard “…who haven’t you slept with, Hawke?” at some point. Accidental spark in a city full of dried tinder. Knows they don’t deserve the friends they have; loves them regardless. BICON
Inquisitor: *survives an explosion that rips dimensions apart* *walks out* “I’m the what of the who now?” Definitely Did Not Ask for This Shit. Definitely got lost in the Hinterlands at least twice and no they don’t want to talk about it. Walking embodiment of the I need an adult oh shit I’m the adult meme. Certified World Leader Hand-Holder. Sighs every time Andraste is mentioned. “Oshit I have a horse?” Surrounded by too many fuckable people. Is going to need therapy once all is said and done. No puns about the arm, please.
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