Tag: a tag

aroace-people-are-lgtbq:

By far the most obnoxious shipping phrase has to be, “How could anyone see it as anything BUT romantic?”

…Pretty easily actually 

I’m aromantic, everything is platonic to me, especially between two characters who haven’t kissed or expressed explicit romantic interest.

All those things that you insist are signs that they love each other? I’d do them for my friends and it kind of sucks that there’s this undercurrent of, “They care too much for the relationship to be platonic because platonic relationships are inferior to romantic ones” to the phrase too

lonerravenclaw:

waywardexplorer:

lonerravenclaw:

the found family trope in fiction is an inherently queer trope because it directly involves deconstructing the heteronormative notions of what family is and involves defining what family is for oneself rather than assuming that the people you are biologically related to are always going to support and care for you. Furthermore it inherently deconstructs and challenges amatonormativity because rather than focusing on a central romantic relationship as the genesis for a family and on forming a romantic partnership as what constitutes making a family, it is focused on close non-romantic bonds. In this essay I will

Where’s the essay OP

Well enough people mentioned it so…

The found family trope in fiction is an inherently queer trope because it directly involves deconstructing the heteronormative notions of what family is and involves defining family for oneself rather than assuming that the people you are biologically related to are always going to support and care for you. Furthermore it inherently deconstructs and challenges amatonormativity because rather than focusing on a central romantic relationship as the genesis for a family and on forming a romantic partnership as what constitutes making a family, it is focused on close non-romantic bonds. There is an overwhelming preoccupation with family as something immutable and constant because you’re related to them and challenging that is valuable for anyone who for whatever reason is no longer in touch or on good terms with their family. This is a discussion that extends beyond the context of challenging heteronormativity or amatonormativity, but that is the aspect of it that interests me and which I will be focussing on. For the purposes of this essay I will be using queer to encapsulate LGBTQIA+ identities due to the terms wide acceptance in academic circles in the context of queer theory, and because of the application of queer as a verb. This is not just about dismantling heteronormative assumptions and constructs, this is about queering the idea of what family can be and how it is formed.

The found family or family of choice trope, is described by TV Tropes as when characters “mourn the lack of family in their lives and decide to build [a family] of their own out of people they care for and who care for them in turn”. This is important, because the trope often occurs because of stressful or unpleasant family circumstances for one or more of the characters in question, though it is not necessary that this be the case. Because of this, the found family need not be as homogenous and monolithic as a family related to each other, and as such is a great exemplification of solidarity– a very important part of what makes the queer community a singular community rather than many fragmented ones. Disparate members of the community may not face the same challenges, oppression, or stigma, but that does not mean they cannot find common ground and support each other through those various tribulations. Likewise, the found family need not be unified by the same background, the same lived experiences, or even the same reasons for seeking a found family. It is the decision and dedication to loving and supporting one another, to coming together on the common ground they do have and expressing solidarity for that they do not. Beyond it’s values, the trope also serves a valuable role for queer viewers in that it provides a reassuring and valuable alternative to queer folks who are not accepted by their biological families. When as story tells you that a family can be whatever you choose, that the bonds between them are ones of choice rather than biological or legal factors outside their control, that is greatly reassuring to people who need to find a new support structure outside the one they were raised with. At its core the found family is not just representative of quee values, it unseats traditional notions about family structures and challenges heteronormativity– as does any familial unit that does not fall into the narrow confines of a monogamous, straight cis couple and their biological children to varying degrees. It removes the typical vision of a straight couple at the core of a family, the parental homestead as a place always there to come home to, and replaces it with a chosen group to form a trusted and loving community.

The archetypal family unit is deeply tied to heteronormativity as it is centred around a straight marriage as the immutable core of a family, but even more so it is tied to amatonormativity. Amatonormativity is a term originated by Elizabeth Brake to, in her words, “describe the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that everyone is seeking such a relationship”. Again, it is a concept that has application in a number of contexts, but it is chiefly interesting to me in the context of aromantic identities because that is where my personal experience lies, thought it should be noted that there is a large overlap in the ways it harms aromantic and polyamorous people. There is a widespread conception that settling down and starting a family is a universal goal and moreover, is accomplished in a universal way. Amatonormativity manifests itself in this assumption, and unlike heteronormativity, it is not exclusive to that idea of the archetypal family. While it is mainly concerned with the (monogamous) romantic relationship aspect of “settling down”, it often goes hand in hand with the assumption that settling down means children as well, because what else would a family consist of? What else are you going to do make meaning in your life? This brings us back to found family. Rather than prioritizing a romantic relationship as the most important part of a family– if not one’s life– it prioritizes non-romantic bonds. This is not to say that there cannot be romantic relationships as a part of a found family, but they are not the focal point. By challenging just what a family is, the found family challenges the idea of settling down as the only way to have close supportive bonds, not to mention that those bonds must originate with a romantic relationship. Moreover, since the trope more often occurs among characters who are earlier in life than people who would be getting married and having children, the trope rejects the idea that family and children are the only way to make meaning. A found family is no less important for its early formation, but it is no longer the goal of life but rather a support structure that is a part of a larger whole of a life. It directly opposes the amatonormative notion that romantic love is the most important part of anyone’s life, and leaves room for varying degrees of closeness between the members of said found family, allowing for those who do not prioritize or do not experience romantic attraction to still find a way to make family should they choose.

Found family is a trope that keeps occuring and stays present because it is relatable to a great number of people in a great number of situations. It has always and will always have applications outside of the context of the queer community and aromantic circles, but those lenses hold a lot of value for consideration.

Ace Sophie Headcanons

dwarven-beard-spores:

@booksaresacredspew asked for these so here we go!

Ace Sophie who resigned herself to an eventual sex life in the same way she accepted her eventual marriage and eventual failure seeking her fortune, without bothering to think about what she actually wanted. But just because it’s going to happen someday doesn’t mean it has to happen now, and she comes up with reasons why she’s not dating anybody, why she hasn’t kissed anyone yet, why she’s not putting herself out there. 

Ace Sophie who feels threatened by people finding her attractive and dressing as blandly and unflatteringly as possible. If no one takes interest in her because she dresses like an old woman, so much the better. Howl notices her anyway, and it’s terrifying. Who is much more comfortable as an old woman and doesn’t have to worry about people’s eyes on her, or misunderstanding sexual references and intentions. 

Ace Sophie who can’t help jabbing at Howl as he moons about over Lettie. “I hope you aren’t only planning on sleeping with her. You can’t just assume a girl wants that.” Howl replies “you wound me,” in such a dramatic way that Sophie can’t tell if he’s serious or not, and it makes her crosser than ever. 

Ace Sophie who’s anger about falling in love with Howl is partly fueled by the fact that, she’s certain, if they do end up together and do think about sex, one or the other is going to be miserable. Easier to fry Howl with deadly weed killer than deal with that.

Ace Sophie who transforms back into a young woman, who’s so swept up in the moment that she almost forgets to be afraid, who is overjoyed to hug Howl, to be free of their respective curses, who sleeps soundly in her own corner that night, and several nights after. 

Ace Sophie who’s full of pent up frustration because she doesn’t know how to talk to Howl about this, who screws up her courage and ends up announcing in the middle of a completely unrelated conversation that “I don’t want to sleep with you,” and then, in the space it takes Howl to open his mouth, add “and you’re such a self-centered brat that I bet you think it’s about you, but you’re wrong.” Who scowls as Howl turns that over and asks a few questions and finally says “But you still adore me, don’t you?” 

“Of course, you idiot,” Sophie replies. 

“Well, that’s all right then.”

Ace Sophie who develops all sorts of non-sexual intimacy with Howl, from hugging and cuddling, to her brushing his hair, to him peppering her shoulders with kisses to get her to relax. Who hold hands and sit on and swat at each other. Who cast complicated spells together and at each other, who set entirely more things on fire than intended, who become one of the most powerful couples in Ingary.

Ace Sophie. 

Queer HMC: Howl I Sophie 1 . 2 I Michael I Lettie

batmanisagatewaydrug:

aevios:

worldsworstfather:

pacific rim really went OFF with drift compatibility. like, there was absolutely no reason the jaegers couldn’t be piloted by a single person; a bunch of teenagers managed it just fine solo in evangelion, but guillermo del toro was like “nah, we’re gonna reinvent the concept of soulmates with mecha and kaiju” and then went and did just that, the absolute madman,

And they also did that without making it inherently romantic

that’s like my favorite thing about the drift comparability concept tbh

siblings? drift compatible. married couples?drift compatible. parents and their kids? drift compatible. two folks who just met but trust and respect each other a lot? drift compatible, babey.

it ties in perfectly with the idea that jaegers are an effort made by the entire world coming together to fight a bigger threat. all kinds of relationships are valued in Pacific Rim, because what matters is people supporting people.

hunterinabrowncoat:

I think a huge part of the ignorance about aromanticism is that people fundamentally misunderstand aro relationships because they simply do not have any frame of reference for what it would be like to live without romantic feelings. Non-aro people completely miss the point when they imagine their life as exactly the same, but with the romantic feelings and relationships removed, and extrapolate that that’s what aro people’s lives are like, because for a lot of people… it’s not.

It’s the same misunderstanding when cis people try to imagine what it would be like to be trans by thinking “what if I wanted to be a boy?” and straight people imagine their partner and their relationship as exactly the same, just another gender.

That’s why we get all this bullshit where allo people act as though all relationships must fit neatly and obviously into either ‘romantic’ or ‘platonic’ categories, because… their relationships do. That’s why we hear stuff like “lol what you are describing is a friendship!” when aro people talk about QPRs, because for them, any relationship that lacks romantic affection is a friendship. Because they are not imagining their life without a relationship that is committed, incredibly intimate, exclusive, and prioritised above all others.

Aro people can still desire a level of intimacy and commitment with somebody that everybody else gets from romantic relationships, without wanting a romance: sharing everything – space, money, belongings, time – having a level of emotional and even physical intimacy that is not common in friendships, being committed to one another, making that relationship a priority above other things in your life, basing major life decisions around that relationship… these are all things that most people fulfil through romantic relationships, and aro people can desire that kind of intimacy without feeling or wanting romance.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if you don’t understand QPRs or the aro experience. You don’t have to understand it to respect it. At some point you have to acknowledge that you don’t understand because you have not experienced it, you have no frame of reference for it, and you will never really know what it’s like because those are not one of those people. The validity of aro people’s experiences does not hinge on whether or not non-aro people understand or accept them.

byjoveimbeinghumble:

To say that every Friendship is consciously and explicitly homosexual would be too obviously false; the wise-acres take refuge in the less palpable charge that it is really—unconsciously, cryptically, in some Pickwickian sense—homosexual. And this, though it cannot be proved, can never of course be refuted. The fact that no positive evidence of homosexuality can be discovered in the behaviour of two Friends does not disconcert the wiseacres at all: “That,” they say gravely, “is just what we should expect.”…

Those who cannot conceive Friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elaboration of Eros betray the fact that they have never had a Friend.

C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves (1960)

showmesomeoneinnocent:

aro-bot:

idk can we stop…treating a.ce disc.ourse like it’s some haha funney cringe compilation or whatever the fuck because it fucking destroyed the entire ace and aro communities. there is no solid aspec community on tumblr anymore (which was by far the biggest number of aspec ppl). exclusionists took our community and fucking smashed it to pieces and y’all treat it as this fucking stupid joke when they traumatized, gaslit, and abused an entire group of queer people back into the closet. fuck every single person who doesn’t take that seriously.

My personal experience is just that, but it’s really indicative that I have watched almost every single ace and aro person I know, irl and online, actively recloset themselves as a direct result of the consequences of The Disc Horse™

I watched irl queer groups disintegrate bc a few ppl who got into leadership positions used that to make the space hostile towards ace ppl (among others as well), saw friends go from being loud and proud aces n aros to actively avoiding any mention of it and letting ppl assume their sexuality. I myself, having been IDing as ace for 10 years at least, have in the past couple since this whole “"discourse”“ came into being, actively and intentionally stopped telling anyone at all that I’m ace. To put that in some kind of perspective, I am incredibly out as trans and will actively out myself pretty constantly except to total strangers I will never see again. I feel safer telling ppl I’m trans than ace. Especially in queer spaces. It’s fucked me up so much I didn’t even quite grasp how much but today my therapist asked me for the first time about like romantic relationships and I physically could not say I am aro and ace. Completely incapable, utterly frozen, and I just kinda let her believe what she will. Ironically the fact that I’ve gone from being willing and ready to tell ppl I’m ace as just another facet of myself to entirely unable and unsolicited to tell anyone, is probably a thing one might want to talk w one’s therapist about.

This has really fucked not just the community at large but fucked up individual ace ppl in so many ways. It’s not something “funny” or remotely harmless, it’s absolutely devastated us.