“Beauty and the Beast” by Emma Weakley
concept: an austen-inspired tabletop rpg where there are five classes
- single man in possession of a large fortune who is in want of a wife
- young woman with low connections who must marry so that she can secure her future
- cad whose main goal is to convince someone to elope with him
- wealthy, scheming woman whose goal is to ruin the happiness of the aforementioned young woman
- tiresome & vulgar elderly busybody (can be either a man or a woman)
I’m gonna split this out a little farther, because I feel like we’re blurring the lines between classes and stats. First you should pick your Austen class:
- Bachelor/Bachelorette
- Cad / Floozy
- Husband/Wife
- Matriarch/Patriarch
- Busybody
Then you roll for your stats across the 6 basic Abilities:
- Money
- Intelligence
- Connections
- Manners
- Looks
- Snark
10/10 would kickstart
I’ve written this up as a quick-play version! You need a d6, a d20 and 3+ friends who are as into Jane Austen as you are, or at least willing to have a go.
Working title, Sense & Snark-ability.
I’ll make it up into a proper printable with illustrations if I get a chance next week, but in the meantime if anyone wants to playtest it I’d love to know how it goes!
The royal family employs no bodyguards. A would-be assassin discovers why.
“Please?” the crown prince said hopefully.
The assassin hesitated. “I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this.”
“Come on, you’re doing great. Just one stab, it’ll be easy-peasy.” The prince spread his arms wide, leaving his throat and chest vulnerable.
“Look, I’m going to level with you,” the assassin said. “I took this contract on the assumption that you were a bad dude. Usually when a country goes bankrupt this fast, it’s because whoever’s in charge is raiding the treasury. But once I infiltrated the guard, I actually had to spend time around you, and you’re just.” The assassin threw her hands up in disgust. “You’re a really nice person! There’s no getting around it! So I’m not super on board with murdering you now. Nothing personal.”
“But if you don’t, my sisters won’t get the life insurance payout, and the country will be in debt for the next century!”
“I’m pretty sure arranging for your own assassination is insurance fraud.”
“Your whole job is to commit murder,” the prince said, “and now you’re worried about a little insurance fraud?”
The assassin pinched the bridge of her nose. “Okay, let’s back up and think about this rationally. Have you considered faking your own death?”
This was not what I was expecting, and it is glorious.
feanorians as rated by the ambarussa, as rated by which ones teach them to drive worth a fuck:
maedhros: 7/10. like yes he may have taught them most besides their parents, and have lots of ‘this dump truck will crush your car’ wisdom but he doesn’t get 10 points, because he doesn’t let them go fast. rude. killjoy. mom poseur.
maglor: 4/10. surprisingly impatient. has a sexy car but they’re not allowed in it. gets some points because the sugar baby jokes are some of their best material, and threatening him with joyrides produces surprising amounts of tractability.
celegorm: 9/10! hell yeah! he takes hangover naps in the backseat. they drove him to the space needle once. doesn’t get 10 points bc he only owns a motorcycle himself and it’s surprisingly hard to get ahold of nerdanel’s car. also rude.
caranthir: 5/10. doesn’t teach anything per say but its fun to watch him yell at other drivers. a good way to kill an afternoon. will let them in the car but not the front seat.
curufin: 0/10. they asked him ‘oh you don’t still have a permit?’ and now he just says no. #worth it.
nolofinwions as rated by argon, as rated by the same
fingon: 6/10. like??? fine I guess. a greater chance he’ll eventually say ‘gun it’ for some fucking reason, as opposed to his parents.
turgon: 1/10. STOP PULLING THE MOTHERFUCKING EMERGENCY BRAKE.
aredhel: 15/10. she let him do donuts in a field at ten years old and they haven’t looked back, only around, for narcs. so, turgon.
arafinwions, on trial and prosecuted by galadriel:
finrod: 5/10. a fairly responsible driver; possessed of some nuggets of skill she might not have otherwise learned without time and experience.
orodreth: no.
angrod: no!
aegnor: HELL no
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